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We are in the strangest of days! As the world seems to be on timeout due to COVID 19 and there are numerous social media meme that states \”if you come out of lockdown without a side hustle, dropping a ton of weight and new skills the issues isn\’t time but lack discipline\” or something to that effect. I find these memes irritating as it fails to take into account as much as this is a pause. The world is on lockdown! For some, they are dealing with being furloughed, losing their income and the incredible stress of homeschooling while juggling everything else. I tip my hat off to every parent who is homeschooling and teachers deserve medals and statues erected to them.

So let\’s circle back to this idea of learning new things while in lockdown. Yes, it will be great if we all come out with a snatched waist, toned and ready to claim our PHD from all that we have learned. However, before we start down the road of taking on new things, we need to look at the art of unlearning.

Yes, I said unlearning. This is the perfect time for us to unlearn those things that no longer serve us and have kept us chasing our heels. I have a few things I want to unlearn. I am unlearning talking to myself like I am my own enemy, even though I should know the impact of negative self-talk like I know the back of my hands. Yet I forget this and allow the gremlins to run rampant as I tear chunks out of myself with my own thoughts. I wonder why some days I feel so uninspired to do what I am called to do as I have the chimp committee telling me what I can\’t and shouldn\’t do.
I am unlearning that failure is wrong, and to be avoided at all costs. Growing up and going to school we are driven not to fail as we face our parents, (who if you have African parents like mine) who would ask you that the kid who came first did they have two heads? I learnt quickly not to answer this as it was always a trap.

We are told that our future is shaky at best if we fail, our intelligence is categorised because we had a failing mark. So we become risk-averse to failure, we work our hardest to be \”the best of the best of the best\”.

We become too scared to fail, and the flip side of the fear of failure is that we stop trying. We stop attempting new things because what if we fail? I remember that I wanted to learn how to ice skate and for the longest I wouldn\’t go. I had a mantra at the time that said if I tried something once and I wasn\’t good at it I will never do it again. I saw me landing on my behind and thought \’nope this is not for me\’. I\’d already set myself up with perfectionism issues as well. I had to be perfect at all times; failure was not an option. I\’m not going to tell you how this has held me hostage, but I\’m going to tell you this at this moment in this time during this time out, I am going to unlearn that failure is something to fear. Failure is my litmus test which says I am trying something new; this is an excellent reminder for me especially as I am currently learning a new language I have to remind myself that I would stumble as I learn. I refuse to let failure stand in my way any longer, so for me, right now, I choose to unlearn that failure is bad. We need to fail on our road to growth.

The other thing I am unlearning is perfectionism as this masquerades as something to be lauded over and praised. Perfectionism is just fancy procrastination as you never get anything done because you are always tinkering and tweaking. After all, it must be perfect. If it is not perfect, then you have somehow failed; unable to meet this very high and unrealistic standard that cannot be met. This is not about being excellent at the work that you do and showing up. Perfectionism is a twisted idea that you must be flawless without a single thing out of place. Perfection is illusionary and leads to rack and ruin. I am speaking for myself at least. What happens in that drive for perfectionism? If you are like me, you are constantly saying \’let me tweak this, let me do this, let me just edit this\’. That article. That blog. That book. That programme. That course, that whatever it is never sees the light of day. While people who are not on the road to perfection are producing and learning from their mistakes, from their failures and getting better and better. While you are still back at the gate, saying I need this shizzle to be perfect. Perfect is fancy procrastination and so during this season, I am unlearning perfectionism. So, these are just the three things I am going to unlearn for this period. Before I take on the side hustles of the side hustles before I try to get that snatched waist and try Insanity….. People who know me know there is no chance of Insanity ever being tried, let me just put that out there 🙂 .
I\’m going to unlearn these things that have actually felt like part of my DNA because having been taught not to fail, taking on the perfectionism gene, but the worst one in the most insidious one is the gremlins the negative self-talk that somehow sneaks in. We find ourselves talking to ourselves in the cruellest and most disturbing ways, and we think sometimes it is ok as we mask it as motivation. It isn\’t, because if anybody spoke to me in that manner, they would be putting themselves in line to being punched in the throat and that\’s me being honest. So why if I would punch somebody in the throat for talking to me that way, that I would continue to allow myself to speak to me in that manner. Thus, I am choosing to unlearn these things to make space to learn how to appreciate the skills I have in pocket, to understand the fact that I\’m learning something new, to do things differently, that failure is just my trial and error time. I am going to use this time to learn that done is better than perfect.
So, I\’m going to be sharing these thoughts from time to time as I explore nurturing power in myself and other women. I am looking at the leadership skills we ignore to play the leadership game by other people\’s rules. Looking at my relationship with power and what my power archetypes are. How they show up and why they should show up if you want to know more stay tuned.